twelve months of girl-mumness

when master L was learning to crawl. he has
rarely gone into this position willingly since.

i frequently get asked how it is like being a mum and a stay home mum. in singapore, it isn't that common to find mums staying at home beyond the stipulated four month maternity leave. there are so many things friends are curious about, like, what we do all day at home and whether we get bored. i hope that i will get down to writing about these thing soon.  but for today, let's start with the big picture (if a girl can ever stick to that).

master L turned one in may. it is unbelievable how quickly time flies. i will never forget the day he was born and how foreign it felt to hold this little stranger in my arms.  like i knew he was mine and had just come out of me after being cooked for 9 months, but it all felt so unreal.

then came the first three months of learning to be a caregiver, to breastfeed etc.  i used to liken the learning process to a learning curve that bends backwards. now that i have thought about it a bit more, i think the curve looks more like a rollercoaster that just keeps going round and around and around.  no amount of reading or class could prepare us for the realities of everything baby.  more so for us mums i think, since the delivery of a baby can make your body feel like a deflated bouncy castle that has been jumped on by thousands of children then run over by a transformers type truck. and don't get me started on the emotions thereafter.

you go through all that, plus transitions from a family of 2 to a family of 3, and you think "do i do this all again in the morning???" (because usually by the time we get to bed, it's past midnight).  but then the baby smiles at you for the first time at around 6 weeks and it all becomes worth it.

the next few months got more and more fun with master L hitting new milestones constantly and being such a fun, happy, *non-crawling* baby. we actually managed plane rides and movies and other crazy things because of this little window (tip: SEIZE IT!).  everything also started getting easier for awhile since they were pretty much routine.

then 6 months came and the babe started eating solids. it was so once much fun at first (i started secretly feeding him banana at 4.5 months #donttellnana) but this was also when it felt like everything about him was changing and it wasn't going to stop.  feeding schedules and introduction of new foods, going from rolling around to crawling to standing, running away during diaper changes, teething, changes in sleep patterns, weird night wakings... so much fun, so many changes, so much CRAZY.

after 12 months, i honestly cannot wrap my head around how other parents have fixed routines with their babies that work from 6 weeks onwards. THE BABY IS ALWAYS CHANGING HIS ROUTINE! or maybe it's me... this mum-child is terrible with routines.

i really wouldn't have survived this year without the support of my family. but every time i'm soaking in the smells of my tot's salivary neck when he climbs on me, completely smothering my face, i am reminded of how incredibly blessed we are.  i look back at this one year and am amazed at how far i have come as a person and at the strength i never knew i had.  and for that, i am just so thankful.