be and being judged

one of the things that surprised me most, becoming a mum (or watching other ladies become mums), is that mums seemed to judge/be judged a lot more than i expected. i always thought that as a mum, i would judge less because it was a virtue i'd like to pass down to my children. i have also been very fortunate in meeting angels who affirm the things i am doing as a mum, and i honestly rarely get questioned or judged.

like when we were at the polyclinic for master L's immunisation jab at 4 months and i was changing his diaper in the ladies room. after looking on for a bit, an elderly lady approached me and asked if we were alone and whether i would be taking care of him all on my own.  she was so kind and told me horror stories about domestic helpers, concluding that it would be best for me to take care of my baby myself.

but it doesn't seem to be the case for everyone else.  i constantly see a couple of acquaintances who are new mothers and mums in various facebook groups ranting and defending their positions.

it is very easy to judge. sometimes when i'm fb/insta-stalking at another person's baby and i get envious at how cute that baby is or his/her development, i think "i bet this mum isn't breastfeeding". HAHA which is so stupid because does breastmilk make a baby cuter???

we judge because we feel judged, and we judge because we compare.  i mean you can compare jobs, lifestyle, cars etc, but there are few things that can beat having the cutest baby growing at superman rates compared to all the other kids around (trophy child).  especially as a parent.  i do wonder though.. is being judgemental (which is a very nasty habit) something we want our children to catch from us?

of course we can have opinions about parenting practices. like one i am trying to get my parents in on is to allow my baby to cry and not constantly use distraction to get him to stop. but it doesn't mean i judge them or think any less of their parenting because they have their preferences (it is very difficult to hear a baby cry).

one of the hardest things about parenting is changing bad habits, especially the emotional ones.  but these are the things i am constantly pushing myself to change, so that i can be a stronger mum for my son. and hopefully that results in a stronger son as well.

i love the video posted above. because at the end of the day, after all the mum wars, we are all going for the same thing.  hopefully we can realise that and stop the judging.